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ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT:

BROCKTOON: So...earlier you were telling me about the problem you've been having with your "friend?" By the way, it's nice to finally meet you right here and now, and finally having the absolute first exchange of dialogue or any sort of communication for that matter be right now. Anyway, your friend. Tell me about this relationship...

DONALD RUMSFELD: I never thought that it would get this bad. We don't have a life together. He lives in...he lives in his head, suffering in his father's war, and warring in his father.

BROCKTOON: It's difficult sometimes, I know. Oh, believe ME do I know! I love you all!!

BROCKTOON INTERVIEWS PETER JACKSON
The Oscar-Award winning star sat down with Peter Jackson yesterday on a mountainside. On a mountainside.

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ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT:

BROCKTOON: Mr. Jackson, it's great to finally meet you, I've been a big fan for a while, you know, "The Lord Of The Rings" deal. Anyway, you're sort of a cartoon guy, right? Well, I imagine a fellow like you must be friends with that Hanna-Barbara guy. Listen, what's he like?

PETER JACKSON: He lives in a huge nightmare which he constantly documents in his stupid cartoons that he obsesses over.

(Long pause, not awkward)

BROCKTOON: Cool!

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BROCKTOON INTERVIEWS
MINNIE DRIVER
Brocktoon met up with British sensation Minnie Driver yesterday at a tea shop in Canterbury, England. The two chatted like innocent children, however, her hunger made her a bit short tempered. Here's the actual transcript:

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ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT:

BROCKTOON: Hello, Minnie. Nice to meet you. Before we start, would you like some tea?

MINNIE DRIVER: If that would have been the question, I would have rethought the whole thing. I'm out of here. I'm going to Chiles to get some baby back ribs made from pork, not cow.

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BROCKTOON INTERVIEWS
DENZEL WASHINGTON
Brocktoon, one of the biggest stars in the world let alone the country, decides to get together with his good buddy, Oscar Award-winning actor Denzel Washington. They had a pleasant chat on the South Lawn of Taquet Studios yesterday. Here's the remarkable transcript:

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ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT:

BROCKTOON: So, Denzel, it's great to see you again.

DENZEL WASHINGTON: All right, ok. oh, ok, uh-huh,
ok, mm-hmm, mmm-hmm, ok, mm-hmm, oh yeah, ok, mm-hmm, yeah,
that's right, ok, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, ok, yeah, ok, mm-hmm, yeah.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, I'm Denzel Washington...knows,
he knows what you're saying, and he understands, he understands
what you're saying. Ok. It's nothing I haven't heard before,
all right? That's right. That's (inaudible). mm-hmm, mmm,
mmm, yeah, mmm, ok, mm-hmm, oh, oh, ok, mm-hmm, yeah,
all right, ok, yeah.